. Wow. Looking at Instagram photos, past addiction (probably still doing it just better at hiding it) to pornography etc etc. Hes left signs that hes clicked on Craigslists Personals section and women seeking men and men seeking women were highlighted. 18 years together with two beautiful children, a lovely home and committment and now I feel everything is a lie. But he takes his vow to her seriously, and refuses to leave, even when she slept with his best friend. In fact, you as the wife will need your own counselor and encouragement as you go through this trial! Im going on a diet. And then yesterday I told him oh by the way you go ahead and look at your calendar girls because today at work a man told me my hair was beautiful so its all good now. Is he trustworthy? I busted him watching pornography again and he blamed the alcohol, not himself. Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He went off at me. Kay. I am so, so sorry for the pain you are going through and have been going through for so long. If not, then consider what healthy boundaries will look like for you, given the situation. I dont know what to do.. im torn up inside. And you might also appreciate our free download, Hope After Porn, where several women tell their stories of recovery. He denied it, and said he was only on Craigslist looking for an exercise bike for me and he couldnt believe I would turn a kuns idea from him into these accusations. We will have to answer to God if we did. In a trusting relationship, you should be able to leave your phone unlocked and leave the room and not even think for a minute your partner is going to go through it. Im going to go jogging at the park near my home, Im going to be playing basketball with our sonI really think this is my fault. He doesnt think it affects our marriage. I give him love and respect and not to mention he knows he can get it at home so why look up nasty women when theres a loyal one right there? We have sex regularly, we talk about our sex life, communicate, love each other. Some say no, some say, \"Yes, because my boyfriend should have anything to hide.\" Since I have so many ladies asking me what I think, and you know I'm all about diving deep into behaviors that seem \"innocent,\" I'm going to tell you what I believe in today's video. You need a good, qualified therapist who can help you process through the trauma of this situation (losing your best friend and your marriage relationship to porn is a huge trauma, which often leaves women meeting the criteria for post traumatic stress disorder) AND help you create healthy boundaries for yourself, given the reality of the situation. Yesterday i found these disgusting R rated TV shows on our saved channel with explicit sex and nudity and foal language again. Dont get discourage and take revenge. Do you have evidence that hes looking at porn? Look at them while having sex. Thats another concern. I have a family member who has been deployed for a year this time. Its a little more difficult to know if she is doing these things, but there are some telltale signs such as: To learn more on phone tracking, watch this video: Is it normal to check your spouses phone? Its better to be without him. For me its too painful. Every situation is unique, but it helps to see how others have handled it. Is it Okay to Go Through Your Spouse's Phone? - YouTube Or so he claims. I try my best to look good but it really doesnt matter. Reach out for help today! My heart has been broken. Im glad you have been able to face the truth, even though its scary. Whatever he chooses, you can choose to be healthy and whole. How sick does that sound? Has he been perfect? I need to move on and legally end this marriage so I can do the things the Lord has set before me, without being afraid of whats going to happen when I get home? I get to wake u, I literally wrote five potential captions for the, First time traveling since January and Im not g, This error message is only visible to WordPress admins. Rodman, S. (2018, February 16). To the women who take the pictures, shame on you. If so, okay. All I can say is what you look like doesnt matter a bit. It sounds like right now hes not willing to be responsible, hes not willing to see how this impacts you. I was with my ex for 11 years. Rather than wasting your energy being suspicious and worried, why not spend the extra time to spend quality time with your partner and try to improve therelationship. How can i trust him? It really makes me sad. I will pray for all of you and hope my story will help you. Your article was insightful however. The depth of involvement that comes out of these discussions will determine the kind of help you need. We moved into together in May and in July I found it in his history and asked him to stop that it truly hurts me. I have done something awful which I feel makes me as bad as my husband. Amen Marcia! I am to going through this painful journey with my husband. Im getting tired of living this way, what is the best way to confront/ask him about it? Staying only encouraged him to continue in his behavior because there was no consequences for his actions. Communication is the key to a healthy, satisfying relationship. Most communities have shelters and support systems for women who are being abused, and I encourage you to take advantage of those resources in your area. It signifies that youre willing to invade their privacy, and will make them and maybe you wonder what else youre capable of. 2) You two need to have a different conversation, one that doesn't involve . Youre an adult. He was staying on his phone. But if he wont take responsibility now, then the future doesnt look good either. But a good discussion is two-way, so ask him to listen to how you are feeling and how his sin affects your marriage and also his relationship with the Lord. God bless. What your husband is doing to you is deplorable. Make yourself happy! I am blessed to have come across this. Related How to get the truth out of your partner and reasons why they might hide their phone. Next he wants to do private lingery shootings in hotel rooms. As a result, nothing good will come out of checking your partner'sphone. Its so disorienting to find out that there are these huge things you dont know! If you want to know whether or not it's possible to spy on your spouse's phone using a spy app, then the answer is yes. It is not! You simply say no. The truth is, your good intentions will not change another persons choices. what if the husband repeatedly goes into rages when the wife CALMLY asks questions or confronts? and is passionate about writing on them. Such great support there! I asked who it was and he says a girl I went to school with. You might also appreciate the online resources at Bloom for Women. And for background, I had the same basic experience when I was 19 (im 41 now) finding my bfs porn magazines and I was so upset and cried. I did not tell him this. Maybe. It helps you see whether your partner got home safe or not, It puts your mind at ease about dangerous situations (When traveling, taking public transport, or in sketchy areas), A great timetable to see when your partner is going to be home (for planning surprises or making dinner), It shows your spouse you have nothing to hide, (if they dont care, then theres nothing to hide), It allows you to do something sweet for them (leave a love note on their phone or take a silly picture), It could be used to control or trap a partner, It has potential for breeding mistrust or, It ruins the element of surprise in a relationship, It could contribute to obsessive or paranoid behavior. If you look in the upper right corner of the sidebar on this post, you should see a form field where you can enter your e-mail address and subscribe. And its as easy as sexting pictures of oneself and others. Ill leave you by saying that Im swaying more towards no than I am yes. Kay. I would say, try to avoid the whole confront/deny dynamic. My husband cheats on me with a girl he works with then I fine out he is going to sex site and talking to them and they have his phone number then I cought hem then he asked me how would I feel if he did a porn movie what should I do. Now i dont know what to doplease excuse this very lengthy comment, i dont have a circle of friends close enough that i can trust with this i will go and speak to my counselor again for sure but i just needed to get it off my chest, It seems that he is oblivious to the fact that watching these shows cannot be healthy for a recovering porn addicti rest my case, im so angry i just cry all the time, I hate him and love him so much all at once.Thank you for this article Kay and sharing your stories i know some of you have it so much worse than me, Im just glad to know we are not alone. Touch People inside the DND screen. And when we seek God through prayer and his word he will show us what to do. I serve him and try to make his life as easy as I can. Heres an article on boundaries. The verbal abuse has not stopped and he wont do anything to get help. Why waste your time??? Pick a quiet hour or two with no distractions, and stick to what you wrote down. I dont know if I should divorce him or keep going with this marriage. Think about why do you want to track your spouses phone in the first place. If hes not trustworthy, its foolish to trust him. This is not an issue that will be resolved in couples counseling. A simple swipe through your partners phone may give you the reassurance of your partners faithfulness. a few months ago, I found covenant eyes, and approached him about enabling it on his phone. Mostly our children cause we are a blended family) then he would do what he did. If you suspect that he is involved in criminal activities at any point, you can consult with local law enforcement about ways to proceed. Looking through phones without the owners knowledge is a violation of privacy. And heres an article that links to our most popular content for wives. God bless you. Whatever happens, whatever he chooses, know that you can find hope and healing. My question is this is it healthy for my wife to allow me to take nude and provoking photos of her for my own private viewing pleasure.?. I'm fine to hand my partner my phone for him to look something up really quick or whatever. If you have suspicions about your partner then talk to them openly and honestly, as snooping around behind their back is not the right way to go about it. You are free to go. The fear is typically sparked by a realization of how the relationship is no . If I was asked to let someone go through my phone, I'd feel trust was already lost. only one in three Christians reported feeling guilty when they watched pornography, check out our article, Is Porn Bad? Marriages have always been at risk when it comes to one partner cheating (statistics show men being the majority), but the last several years (or however long its been that internet has become the norm), explicit and pornographic material has become WAY too easy to access. If you feel forced into location tracking or feel your partner is snooping through your phone without permission, perhaps location sharing has turned toxic to you. First and foremost, I think it would be best to meet with someone who can give you face-to-face counsel and advice. Even if you find evidence that theyve been cheating, you have to explain why you were looking through their phone and thats just going to give them ammo to come back at you. Ive been praying for a long time for God to help me leave him for good. If he says it's okay, then it's okay. So that being said, sexual images/videos are everywhere and temptation is everywhere. Is he willing to take responsibility for himself? 3. The best way to predict his behavior in the future is his behavior now. Decide whats healthy for you, and live accordingly. Im so glad you were able to stop yourself from causing further harm, but this is a very serious situation. You might try saying something like, However this gets into our house, by accident or on purpose, its not healthy for our marriage and we need to work together to keep it out.. Of course my husband is not tired he has all day to do what he wants but doesnt do much to help out. I go to the kitchen and get coffee while he gets ready for work. One sweet reason why couples track each others locations is simple: they like staying connected. Just last night, my new boyfriend who seemed kinda geeky, turned out to be a horrible offender. Forgiveness comes with true repentance and change; it is choosing to model after the way God forgives us. Things he didnt do before were many of these things. Log in as an administrator and view the Instagram Feed settings page for more details. I have never told him I would leave him, until yesterday. Somehow I have to learn how to forgive my husband. Find a different man. He wont make love with me, even told me hes not in the mood! I think we have to examine our boundaries. So accept that they will keep doing it and you need to make the choice to stay , and live with it the rest of your married life, or leave. Hey Carissa. Is it okay to stay together with my boyfriend and his family? - Quora It is not only distressing to your partner but is equally as mentally torturous to you. If your husband cant keep those things in mind, at least you can make sure youre doing whats healthy and right. Think about what healthy boundaries will look like for you in this relationship. Thanks for sharing your story, Christine. This is a temporary arrangement for the couple as they work on rebuilding the trust in their relationship. I knew we needed counseling at that moment. What hes doing to you and to your marriage is deplorable. Is it ok to go through my spouse's phone?-----Join our mailing list and get our Top 10 Do's and Don'ts for Marriage:http://gotmf.org/top10Listen to our pod. The Ultimatum Amy handed me the ring, I cant marry you., 0 comments, 3 comments, 1 comment, 2023 Covenant Eyes | Legal, Why Your Husband Looks at Women Online (And What to Do About It). It just is so difficult dealing with this because he is so well liked by others who see him as a strong, born-again, tongue talking, devil disturbing, spirit filled Christian. He promised me that he never looked at them and he was sorry that I was hurting so bad. I asked him if he thinks about women naked? It can hurt if you suspect your partner is looking at your phone or tracking you without permission. I hope you know that! These are, of course, just my thoughts and just the beginning of the conversation. That cant be your job. I know, go to counseling. I go to a domestic violence support grouup and see a therapist who has met my husband.she says he is a master manipulator, I hear from other women the things thier abusers do and its all the same crazy stuff. This is the most obvious reason why you shouldnt go snooping through your partners phone. I asked myself if this was what he does wonderd why he had chosen that text when im there. Heather, I am so, so sorry. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Not that, the thoughts in his mind can be held accountable. Before entering private practice, he has gained much experience in both hospital and social servicessettings. Alternatively, marriage therapy can also help couples realize when its time for their relationship to end. Men in particular often compartmentalize this part of their life, and often do not understand how looking at other women might affect the woman they truly care about. Neither did the Prodigal Son initially. You can also read more here on why individuals may secretly check their partner's phones and itsconsequences. He says that he doesnt want to be with anyone else and that he would never cheat on me. Blaming you instead of owning up to his behavior allowed him to deflect from the real issue. Forgiveness is free. Heres an article that Luke wrote a while back that you might find helpful. This was obviously before he came to bed. I dont know if my husbands still looking at videos, or searching for escorts & at times I want to check to see if he has, or sometimes I get negative thoughts in my mind but thats when I say the Bible says God will never leave me or forsake me so hes Got this! He laughed. Were both born-again Christians, and he says that he repented, and its not all him, sometimes he just clicks and the sites come up but he goes out immediately. Context is everything when it comes to understanding text messages. I feel if he looks then there is no way he can possibly want me or love me. Youve seen the patterns, you see the ongoing evidence of his behaviors, you see that he is not willing to be accountable or seek help for his behaviors.