9 months into the relationship, I had to leave just because I was genuinely feeling like I was the problem and the reason why the marriage wasnt working out. It is there where I found out this last affair was almost 4 years long. Why is My Ex Being Cold, Distant and Rude? | The Modern Man Apparently he also referred to me as some girl and not his Ex gf Which really makes me question his motives and why he said this about me to her? Required fields are marked *. This idiot moved my husband in and after he made her life hell after a few months she moved him into an apartment where he is always leaving messages for me to come over. He used me so he could get back on his feet knowing other women would not stay around through all of that for 4 years and him living with his parents. His friends were equally horrible. She knew that having a baby would keep him tied to her. Hi Justeentrenous! delete, block, get rid of stuff they gve you, box it up OUTA sight!!!!! She even gives him money, even though he has money. To me, Im free. He told me before, if I ever contacted his ex-wife that he would never talk to me again. They even went to Vegas together 2 weeks after he discarded me. My ex started a huge war in court against me when I did that she told him that I warned her. This gives him the advantage. Since we share a son(that he NEVER bothers to spend time with), he has my #, she called and asked if it was normal for him to drink in the mornings lol- I just laughed and said Honey its not NORMAL for anyone to do that- you need to get real about things like this, you have a 2 year old. She posts 20 pictures a day of them and comments on how happy she is and how perfect he is, yet I get butt dialed messages from them where I can hear her screaming at him for wanting to **** younger sluts Seriously you are 20, I mean how much younger could we actually be talking and still be legal- I laughed really hard that day. (Yes, he actually believed that he would have to pay NOTHING to live there) so naturally we started talking more, I let him do the calling and he was, then he came over on Memorial Day weekend and we slept together (which was stupid) he had started drinking again that weekend also, so since Memorial Day weekend we pretty much slipped back into being together and then after a week or so his attitude changed once AGAIN!!! At the beginning of the month, I go to pay my rent to my landlady and she tells me that a woman had called her phone asking if my house was available for rent. Instead, he sat there and listened to her ream him a new hole then she hung up on him. I have not said anything so far, but when the subject is brought up I always think about it. Thankyou. I too was duped manipulated unloved for 30 years. (size 14) mixed cherokee/african american very light skinned (he always said he liked a woman with my complexion and I guess I made him look good and he is 65 dark african american. One tip I can give you is that cut down the contact. Only those who dont know what Im doing or those who dont know me have no idea. i also blocked him from every single mean of communication. Than he tried to Hoover me again I was able to go completely no contact again. He went ballistic! My ex and me didnt have children (thank goodness); however, I found out after we split that he was in arrears for a child from a previous relationship for over $20K and LIED to me that he paid his child support on time. All I ever wanted was for him to love me. My question is, should I try to anonymously tell her what he is doing and has done? Reblogged this on Narcissistic Sociopathic Abuse and commented: DNT gve them the satisfaction of contact, go off the radar, vanish!!!! My ex and I have been broken up for almost 5mos now. So we met 3 days later, yesterday, went to the cinema and he had brought me flowers again? I gave this man my life. I was never interested in him but I liked being around him as it was always fun. Unofatunately it was me who offered to talk to him a last time a few months after I found out what happened as he was too much of a coward to talk to me personally back then and I wanted him to be a man and face me and tell me why and what he did. August 31, 2022 by Zan. He's given me massages and even painted my nails. I know now that it was because I was his best supply I was extreamly co-dependent, I would look for him when he didnt come home, chase him, cry after him blah blah blah. A month ago, the woman he was with before me showed up at my door to claim him after I had put him out again for disappearing. I never knew he was with her all those years, nor that he forced her to get an abortionin fact, he hooked up with her when he was leaving his wife way before i came in the picture. Adobe Reader is required as this is a PDF document. Agreed Annoymous, my ex Narc is a nasty piece of work. Need help with your relationship? They just love the triangulating thing. Broke up with my narc in 2014 after we had a baby. but i always gave him the benefit of doubt. Narcissist looking for supply. He is very physically and verbally affectionate in person as well as still calling me "Baby", etc. its supply for thheir need, they might stay longer yes, but they dont feel they just kp gng, gng The lies and deception I had NO idea! POS people. I feel Im looking for answers from a sick person and I will never get them, Its just like everything Ive read on narcissists, they will never change. Its the old what does she have that I dont? Hes never publicly posted a picture of them together, but he does post pictures of his daughter and you can see her body, feet, etc. So good, true and funny I wish I could like this twice! Mine too. Also I sent her the recent screens shots of him telling me he misses and loves me. Updated on February 17, 2023 Reviewed by David Susman, PhD PeopleImages / Getty Images Table of Contents Loving an Ex Is Normal How to Get Over an Ex Finding Closure Have you ever found yourself thinking, "I still love my ex?" It isn't uncommon to still love and have strong feelings for your ex-spouse or partner. He wished me luck on trying to leave him, but I did. Problem is that from time to time, especially when Im lonely or something has gone wrong, I think of him. Thankfully I eventually wised up and married a better man who doesnt need to be saved. She dumped him flat after he tried a silent treatment to control her. If other women come along that he wants to engage with; well he wants to be free to do as he pleases . About a week and a half ago he changed his relationship status on fb and had a girlfriend now. Only she can be happy in the beginning. This is how women across the world become the Other Woman with someone who used to be their husband or significant other. I realise he has never loved me because they do not know how to love. Also. Like you, when I finally found out and made boundaries, he refused to stop his behaviour. I think thats part of the reason she had their daughter in the first place. The psycho one he hates so much, and wants to get away from. In addition, she introduced me to her physician friends now mind you, I am working on my Ph.D., so the idea of being initiated or socialized into her circle of friends was blinding because she put me on a pedestal, until while attending her awards ceremony at a Johns Hopkins University. Try looking at it that waynow somebody else has to deal with him, not you. Worst thing was that he got his pervert father to drive me to have the abortion as he was away for business. Why Is My Ex Angry When She Dumped Me? - Magnet of Success Back when he was living with that other woman and I bought my first home and he found out about it quickly he said it broke his heart that I went and did that cuz he always wanted that with me but at that time I told him I couldnt afford it until my car was paid off and he couldnt wait and then he ended up moving in with her. Cheating is my biggest deal breaker, and these guys cant seem to decide who they want to be with. Narcs want you to believe that you are nothing without them. He has money but needs someone to be his mother and maid and he only has a 6th grade education that he hid from me. It's possible that this guy might realize that he's been wrong all along and that he needs you in his life. He is highly manipulative from what you are saying blaming you for standing up for yourself cause he couldnt get away with all he wanted to with you. So, the fact that Your ex is going lighting fast just proves he hasnt changed a bit. The question that remains is how do you react or handle this type of behaviour from your ex? Thank you so very much for reading my blog and for sharing my post . I, of course, was selfish, disgusting, didnt know how to be in a real relationship, and was a slew of other expletives as well. The rose-colored glasses Ive been wearing have come off, I just wish they would stay off. female You don't feel understood. Believing that you did something to bring all of this on is simple victim-blaming. He came back after two weeks and said sorry he has frustration is his live .. and they take any excuse that is not a reasen or rectivy his behaviour. Keep in mind that the "I love you" from your ex could actually be a cry for help as . Ok, its been almost 7 months since my ex waltzed off into the sunset with the woman who knocked on my door. Would have to give up work (I'm a successful scientist, but that's beside the point as doesn't matter . Im the fourth women. still we think is this new supply it for them? After that he contacted me again saying that he misses me. Hopefully she will catch on soon it her parents will see it! My ex would bring me around his family and friends but it was so weird, because he would allow them to either snub me or be openly mean to my face. When she starts to see the real him, the same problems will germinate. but she is also putting up with more than I was willing to. They do that to excuse their behavior. Deal with the knowledge that he does everything for her to make her happy. The real narcist comes out after a short while. I dont feel bad for the new one because she is a liar and con artist just like him. OMG, Kim, this is exACTly what happened to me. All rights reserved. And, please I would love help with no contact. Well, guess what: behind my back he contacted her again, and when I confronted him he told me he wanted to see which one was better for him, me or her (if that isnt sick then I dont know what is). I would compare myself with her in ways that werent fair or very nice, but it is natural to do that. He was extremely mentally abusive, a liar, and exaggerated about everything. Ive questioned him being on Bumble before and whether or not he is using me until he finds someone new. The point is EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT; its my fault, I put him out, but its not his fault he disappeared. It is wonderful to actually be loved. Im 56, around 178 lbs. thanks all of you for share your history I feel identified with all in some parts of all of them. He is a sick demented person and cant wait for him to get qhat he deserves. Your ex has extreme emotions about you. IMPORTANT!! Brad is also the author of Mend The Marriage, a comprehensive self-help guide that teaches married couples how to save their dying marriage and prevent divorce. He said he loved me more than he ever loved anyone else (next to his ex wife) but that something was missing. You are a smart, beautiful woman and you deserve the best in life. How do I get past this???? My ex is completely narcissistic, and abusive. I am also Lebanese. Out of all my exes, this one was the worst. Ex treats his new partners better and I'm struggling with it His main reason for breaking up was that he sees that I love him more and he said he'll never be able to love me as much as I do. They will eventually become hidden and obsolete from his life anyways. Try not to internalize this. Do they miss their exes? He eventually tells me to have an abortion or I must go back to my country and give birth there. And it hurts because you wonder if maybe they are embarrassed to admit theyre involved with you; why else would they hide or deny the relationship? Landlady told her if and when this house becomes available for rent, she would post it in the classifed section of our local paper. He would say to me that it would hurt his kids. When we were together he would send me cute animal videos, he'd share things about his day/what he's doing, where he's going, what he's watching, etc. Then, the woman will say something like, "Okay, fine. Hes a Narcissist and its defintitely a serious personality disorder!? Because having two engagements and one pregnancy in three years wouldnt look good in his eyes or anyone else. This is such a great article and describes exactly what happened to me last year. Spending hours on the phone with you. I found out in the summer my bf of 2 years got another girl pregnant. This response is right on! He begged for a second chance, said he didnt love her, that he only loved me. But keep in mind that when a narcissist is securing new supply, he will love-bomb her; just as he did you in the beginning. I MEAN, COME ON. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Hes got the IRS, warrants for past child support, repo companies showing up at their door, etc., however, shes so desperate, that no other good man will do. Its all spectacle. My friends call him iceman. Mind is officially blown! after more or less few months dating, i actually already felt there was a crack in him. Is there anyone who can help me get perspective? And she is a bit simple-minded so she doesnt see the side of him that I came to know and to fear. I ended up getting my other passport which would allow me to live and even work in his country. But rest assured that it will only be a matter of time before she starts noticing the cracks, probably when its too late and shes lost all sense of direction. She trying to leave medicine and go into research. But.. know for a fact that he is acting. These are just a few examples, but he practically seems like a different person. Keep in mind that I live directly behind my landladys house or about 50 feet from her; the ex had to have passed my driveway to get to her house. There was no way I had the money to have the child as I had no medical aid and no job either. My friend was in the same situation the other woman in your story is now. He said it was a spur of the moment thing. Another issue is that she could be insecure about their relationship since he cheats and lies. I also think that hes still seeing the 19 year old. He then continued to Hoover and I fell for it hook line and sinker. Thoughts? Id never been like this before, had a very healthy relationship two years previous and never felt paranoid, or nervous or low. All rights reserved. Anon, all thats happened is he has found someone who he has determined will be submissive, compliant, and very easily controlled. Now check your email to confirm your spot in the mini-course and get your Beginner's Healing Toolkit now! Remember actions speak louder than words!!!!! Best of luck with your recovery. At present, I am job hunting, apartment hunting, and preparing for a separation/divorce after five years. Make it shorter and do not be too friendly. Right now hes on his best behavior so shes blind. He's talked to me about his relationships, and he's suddenly started trying to be this great boyfriend to everyone. Girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, in long distance relationship. Is it possible that even though he is a narcissist, he has found who he really wants to be with? She was half naked making that horrible duckface for the picture. Now he has a new girl he does everything and anything for her in hes been with her for 5 years. Anyone married (or partner) to an executive (who treats his spouse like his staff)? I was angry and stood up for myself and i felt like i could not agree to his abuse to me anymore, so i told him off and was mean back saying exactly what was on my mind. We argued constantly, hed scream at me too and punch things hed get angry over tiny things. These ones dont deserve one more second of our thoughts or time. It serves to secure new supply as well as exact his sick revenge on you for daring to have a life after him. respectively on that day. Was my first time I was flying to a continent of the world I have never been to. His main thing is he still supports his ex whom he has 2 kids with, and has had a house w/her for over 20 years (he says he pays the bills but he hardly stays there SOME of that is true). Today has been a good day so Im hoping it lasts. I work and also in school so I didnt have the time to cater to his every need. She told me that she divorced him due to Emotional Abuse. She trying to leave medicine and go into research. Either way we are all better off without them and their sick mind gameswe are just lonely and sad cause we have not found a healthy relationship yet, so our minds play tricks on us that he won and has found love. My sister just had a baby and he has only sent me ONE email after one i sent him that said congrats on being an aunt hopefully this makes you a better calmer person yes i will admit sometimes i did act crazy and react out of anger BUT it was always a reaction to something he did to provoke a response from me. I want to spare her what is inevitable. Agreed Kim! ugh 4 years of that yes, I know I should have left sooner!) Seems like Ive just woken up to the notion that there are so many borderline personality types many of which will do you considerable harmSam Vaknin and yourself seem convinced that the new woman/new man will fare no better than you/me the discarded.. We tried to solidly not talk to each other, but he and I broke those rules and ended up still being friends. Pushing for physical intimacy too soon I feel sorry for this new girl she has no idea what is going to happen, she will eventually see his mean streak and un stable ways. Thank you! Hes psychologically abusing my child and it tears me up. Especially as I was WAY out of his league, he wanted to ensure id be tied to him forever. I changed my PIN each time but he always managed to manipulate the new PIN number out of me eventually. BUT it gently remind myself that its probably bc he is his eye on the prize! It shows that she really went to a lot of trouble to look up your phone number and try to add you on Facebook. He was battering me. The next day I called her at work and found out the extent of lies he told me and her. I ran into his father before Christmas and he told me how proud he is of him. But, this article has opened my eyes to the fact that this was all a charade, a facade even. Pretending to miss you when you go out with friends I know you are absolutely right about the situation. I seemed to be the first victim. We did everything together and I kept the house, cooked six nights a week (Im a personal chef), kept his clothes clean, ran his errands and etc. All rights reserved. Thanks Kim. I am shocked that he is now carrying on another long-distance relationship. We even got into an altercation and I wound up getting surgery in the hospital (I couldnt press charges he left the next day anyway). Once you understand these dynamics, all thats left to do is feel sorry for his new girlfriend. Now hes what hes calling a committed relationship (for the first time since his divorce 7 years ago) and is telling everyone she is his soul mate. Hell no I refuse to answer or respond to him, he doesnt even get a stop calling me.just radio silence. He will also make sure that you see or hear about it. I asked myself, How this can be possible when all what I done its to pleased him be caring and the most I trusted him. Life couldnt be better but when he first reappeared it was a vulnerable time. He just dumped me told me to get away from him, I still organised his birthday as it was all booked and he still told me he had no feelings that my body wasnt for him that we had nothing in common. Because the house wasnt cleaned to his standard, or because I left hair in the bath tub drain. He is very mentally ill and I have accepted that and all I feel for him is pity and sympathy and prayers for his next victim. It hurts and I hate it, but I deal with it because he treats me well in other ways. I can only pity the new girls these guys move on to, because I know what theyre in for (and no one deserves that!). The above arent traits that we should shy away from, and in fact are what make us good people. Sending numerous texts throughout the day I would also advise seeing a counselor who specializes in emotional trauma (if you arent already). So fast forward to January; I finally was able to send my car off to be worked on and it was gone for three weeks so no car in the yard. Plus, we were not living together. This can leave you wondering: Can a narcissist change? I have been through this so many time with the same Person. but yeah. Yes, I left him, and yes, he still wont go away.But I have my dignity and some peace of mindGood luck to you, it can be done! I used my anger and the order of protection to move his things out and file for a divorce. Yes, I want him in my life too but not as a friend, I want him to be my partner and have made it clear only met another "we'll take it day by day". I have blocked him but during the last discard he would show up at the house. it hurt and yes he did lie Your email address will not be published. Without someone to reflect a positive image back to him, the narcissist feels worthless. His older sister met me more than once but when I saw her, she acted like shed never seen me before. i thank my lucky stars we didnt live together. I do show affection from time-to-time, but not to this extent. He is now telling people that we were just friends and that I wont talk to him because I am jealous. Because of my relationship with him, the type of work I did, and the nature of his crimes, I was fired from my job. Most dont seem to want to see their exes at all if it werent for having kids together. some guys like to play girls and they appear charming. Thank you for your post. Except it. It doesn't matter. But you have really helped me, I needed to read this article & feel a sense of sanity by doing so. I was furious with him for the betrayal and at her for her lack of respect of my marriage. He claimed he wanted a divorce because he was in love with her but didnt file the initial papers, ditched the meeting we scheduled to discuss the divorce and would either make up lies or take back agreements that were steps towards finalizing everything. Im trying my best to see the whole picture and not get stuck on the good times and the future I thought I would have with him. Just as we have four seasons, the narcissist will use these tactics to secure new supply. Will My Ex-Narcissist Treat His New Girlfriend Better? Thank you for stopping by and for commenting! Everyone kept saying, oh he will try to come back but they didnt know I wasnt dealing with a normal man ,.. he doesnt know himself. The pain will come to an end with time. Then guess what.after a short while he would be back to doing,-you guessed it-A,B,C. What I have learned is that if someone loves you, they will be with you only, and not have a million excuses as to why they cant totally leave an ex, etc. I got proof of this last night! Now 11 weeks old. Oh, if only it were that easy! We have 4 small children. (What Your Ex Is REALLY Thinking). @MiraI am married to a man that doesnt want to be intimate with me. I completely understated this! Since his divorce 7 years ago, hes been looking for someone who he can completely commit to and love. I do not feel guilty for not doing so, but should I? I wish I had better news for you, but the likelihood of this situation ever changing is extremely low, if not impossible. Between my own and another Targets combined knowledge, it would be impossible not to. And it gets bettera couple weeks later this same woman (landlord says she recognized the voice) called yet again and specifically asked the same questions she asked the first two times. If you share custody with him of your child, insist that he communicate via your lawyer. What I do know is that he didnt hide or lie about the fact that he has a wife and daughter. Again, during all this time he held my hand and said he can't wait to see me again? I know he will come back he always DOES someone but I dont know when!!! Silly me I thought he loved me, NOT! Thats all he cares about, so dont take it personally. You wrote this from my movie! I made excuses thinking he just needed to get it out of his system. Sooner or later she will be stuck with him to the point she wont know how to get him out of her life. If he still continues to shy away from calling you his girlfriend, then it's his loss. Since Ive learned that he now has stage 4 brain cancer, Ive had an epiphanykarma does eventually catch up to people without a conscience.
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