How Animals Flirt and What We Can Learn from Them, The Fascinating Psychology of Scents and Smells. Dr. Patti Feuereisen, a psychotherapist specializing in sexual abuse and author of Invisible Girls:. What to Talk About in Therapy (When You Have Nothing to Talk About) They have many conversations with many different people. Yet how many of those conversations do you think they remember? My life is boring -Abner- 4 yr. ago Watching movies, series and reading books help a lot! Most times, couples can choose to enjoy silence or they can choose to relax and enjoy a movie together. How to Overcome the I Don't Know What to Say Syndrome It's better to ask, "Is this a good time to talk? ", Worse, says Nakamura: "You're being portrayed as a guy who just came off a boat and who's out of control. Not because they're egotistical but because it's a safe topic and one they obviously know very well. If it seems like you and your partner no longer have anything to discuss, then it might be time for you guys to try doing new things apart from each other, you both can pick up new hobbies, even if it is reading a book, or going for cooking lessons. Have you ever seen someone youd like to meet and wondered how to start a conversation? hbspt.cta._relativeUrls=true;hbspt.cta.load(31983, '518332fc-f09f-4682-bb88-ab6cc4cd8f45', {"useNewLoader":"true","region":"na1"}); The point is satisfying, genuine, enriching communication goes beyond the mundane and requires more than one-word answers. Does insurance pay for marriage counseling? With communication, you can avoid misunderstanding, it helps solve unnecessary tension and confusion. ask questions and be interested in the answers) You. When you and your man are always shouting at each other or exchanging insults, the two of you may find ways to avoid talking to each other, and it might lead to communication problems. When you and your partner no longer have things to talk about, you guys can decide to take a trip together even if it is for a day. Showing genuine interest demonstrates caring and can help get the conversation started. Maybe they had new problems to solve or events to go to. I came back just to leave a comment and let you all know that it worked. Usually all this thinking justmakes youso nervous that you end up never approaching them. But your writing will help me greatly. Over time this approach will feel natural. My self-talk, and low self-esteem has been the problem. Its like having a filter between yourbrain and your mouth, only letting through the few remarks that pass your high standards. 3 Simple Steps To Overcome It, The stupid trash movie they saw last week. When youre talking, you have to be in the present moment. They say almost nothing of substance and everyone else seems to love them for it. Therefore, if youre struggling to think of what to say simply ask good questions. Why The Happiest Couples Always Seem To Have Something Interesting To Talk About, 8 Ways The Happiest Couples Communicate With Each Other, How To Make Even The Most Difficult Conversations With The Person You Love Easier For Both Of You, keep us from ever getting into fights or feeling upset, often fall into the trap of correcting each other's feelings, The Awful Way I Discovered My Husband Was Having An Online Affair, Woman Says Her Husband Isn't Attracted To Her Anymore Because Of Her High IQ, 11 Signs You're Dating A 'Marriage-Minded' Person, 10 Little Communication Tricks That'll Lead To A Much Deeper Love, Zodiac Signs That Are Terrible At Relationships (And Why), 20 Little Things Women Do That Guys *Secretly* Love, The Perfect Age To Get Married, According To Science, 5 Little Ways Men Wish They Could Be Loved Every Single Day. How to Use Therapy When You Have Nothing to Talk About When you and your man no longer have things in common or you guys no longer hang out together, it might be a little difficult to have something to say to each other all the time. RELATED:8 Ways The Happiest Couples Communicate With Each Other. But I felt a little bit worried about all the pessimism in the article about most of your conversations being about nothing. When you stop attending to it, it assumes the situation is not important and it stops bringing similar situations to your attention in the future. And other times, we set ourselves up for rejection when we insist on talking about feelings when our partner feels tired or distracted. (i.e. Nandri for this article.. Idk, I just dont like the idea of the meaningless talk, (pls, excuse any mistake because english is not my first language). While other couples stared at their phones or off into the distance, my wife and I had an engaging conversation going the whole time. New research shows how to fix the sounds of silence. This does take some getting used to, but soon youll find small talk becomes a breeze and its actually really FUN! It was easier for me to be alone than be surrounded by people who talk about nothing and also didnt want people to find me boring for not talking funny or interesting things. RELATED:10 Little Communication Tricks That'll Lead To A Much Deeper Love. In fact, many of my new peers celebrated their racial differences and shined a spotlight on their ethnic heritage. But your article helped me! What Is the 'Triangle Method' Flirting Technique? I know typically silences are labelled as awkward but there are natural ones no? Acting shy quite a bit of my life, and frankly, Im tired of acting shy and find it tedious and too much work. ago. Archived post. You might lay in bed thinking about what yousaid, imagining what you could have said, analyzing what youdid right and wrong, and planning what youre going to say to the person the next time they see them. Compare this couple's demeanor to a couple just falling in love. And also, you can use the time to enjoy watching a movie together, or you can each work on yourself. Do I go to men's counseling alone, or together with my wife, partner, fiance or girlfriend? There are just a few things to understand and some effort to make. Communicating with your partner helps to ensure you guys can support each other. This takes a leap of faith at the beginning. Most times, we dont even need words to communicate with each other. Simple whatever you think you know about your husband has probably changed too. We all occasionally fall into a rut, doing the same thing day in and day out. Hell, Ill have to say youre the only one who made me understand why I always have nothing to say, even if I have lots of things in common with the person in talking to. They just dont know enough to be able to talk about fascinating subjects all the time. Turn your embarrassing moments into a funny story and share it with your man. Now, the things about them that used to charm us start to annoy us. Silence in Psychotherapy | Psychology Today And when we become boring, so do our relationships. But one's deep and meaningful might not be someone else's, or they believe they don't have time to deal with it in due fashion, or they may feel it's none of their business or that they are not qualified to have said discussion. The real problem is not a lack of thoughts to express, but believing that everything that comes out of your mouthmustbe interesting, unexpected or funny. BTW Im 16 and I wasnt always like this I started being shy in 6th grade when my parents got divorced. You should just see it as a phase and enjoy the silence. A future to plan Careers Friends and activities Children - to have them or not It feels like a constant state of discovery. Sean, Thanks for your insights and for this site. Reddit, Inc. 2023. I am stuck too. Why do people find talking about life and deep conversations - Quora It seems like we know all we need to, and there's nothing left to discuss. Multitasking with ADHD: How to Reclaim Focus? If youre like I used to be, then you probably startingthinking hardabout what you could say when you approached them. It was only in college when I realized that not everyone felt the way I had as a kid. But the question "What should I talk about?" is the wrong one. But we're so wrong! You dont know what youre going to say, and thats okay. He's not very communicative about his feelings. While we currently make up 5.6 percent of the population, we are still vastly underrepresented in Hollywood. Sure, some conversation topics are better than others, but most of the time people talk about nothing significant. Overthinking makes you imagine everything that could go wrong, and you get stuck in paralysis by analysis. Something wonderful happens when we learn how to communicate our feelings with greater openness. Dont decide on what youre going to say. Or expand by talking about different cuisines or other foods youve tried. And vice versa. It may be that the problem is coming from you and not him. No one can answer the question of whether or not you should communicate with your man every day, it depends on you and the man and on what you might agree on if the relationship is new you guys might want to communicate every day to get a rhythm you understand, but if it an old relationship and you guys are secure in your feelings for each other then it okay not to talk to him every day, you guys can just chat or text each other if you have to. Suddenly it would be 2am, and there was still more to say. But they shouldn't become the soundtrack to your marriage. When I try, there is always an awkward silence. 2023 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching - A Professional Corporation of Marriage and Family Therapy, All Rights Reserved. The neutral expressions, the distracted gazes, and the fussing with cell phones (instead of talking to each other) all dead giveaways that they no longer know how to communicate. You see those people who can spark a conversation with anyone, who can build a rapport in moments and slip back into old routines with old friends or dazzle prospective partners with charisma and charm. If there is a communication gap you can try complimenting your partner, telling him how much you appreciate him, and try using positive words to reinforce your relationship. Don't Know What to Say? How to Know What to Talk About - SocialSelf 11 Hacks For Creating New Things To Talk About With Your Partner - Bustle How often should I go to marriage counseling? The focus on making friends at work seems to be tragically misguided. 3. Sometimes conversations can wane if you cant really relate to the topic theyre talking about. In the end, one little conversation means nothing to the average person in the grand scheme of things. At least it shouldnt. When youre thrown into a conversation before common ground has been found, it can be difficult to keep the interaction going in a smooth and natural way because were not entirely confident of what and what not to talk about. Every single thing you are talking on this post can relate to my situation. You don't know everything about him (honestly, you never really did), so there's more to talk about. Therapy sessions are typically scheduled on a weekly, rather than "as needed", basis. I think a major component is missing from this equation, positive emotions. I am extremely awkward when the spotlight is on me and everyone is listening to what I have to say. That's because we're not genuinely curious about them; we're just being polite by acknowledging them in a friendly way. Therapy is a place to work on. Its an important social skill to have. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Hello Sean, thank you so much of sharing this article. Comments about other boring people they know. Now it's my life's mission is to help 25,000 people get the confidence, friends and romantic partner you want! I never thought I had anything important to say, alwas though it had to be amazing. It is now left for both partners to talk about how to deftly pass this phase and return back to that sweet place they once were. Not planning gives you space to be more vulnerable. Have you tried having "date nights" with no TV on, and talking about a certain topic rather than what happened today ? 1. When you and your man find it difficult to talk about new stuff, you guys can always dissect your day what happened in the office, whats up with your co-workers, or whats new on the Internet, they are so many things to discuss you guys just have to try and create conversations for yourself.